The Ultimate Quick Fix!

billy-mays-cocaine

GOT YOUR ATTENTION? Want to solve all of life’s problems quickly, easily, and without hassle?

david spade

“Hi, I’m Earth. Have we met?

It is very natural as a human being to want the quickest way to get what or where or even who we want (Especially if you live in Merica) but it is not and will not ever be the way to go to solve your problems!

Before you ask…No, I am not an expert on life, a life coach, a psychologist, or grandmother willow from Pocahontas..

grandmother willow

But I am realistic, sensible, not blinded by the flashy nature of the internet, and into plain old fashioned hard work as well as patience and waiting for the smart way to do things to work out properly. Are these concepts too scary these days?

or are we too lazy to try it out?

george-costanza-iphone

Or are we too proud to be in a place that isn’t award winning, flashy, or brag worthy right away that we are willing to take the ultimate short cuts to be something other people want us to be? Or the idea of success that the media projects?

Well as per usual for me……

french

But fuck that noise with a side of fuck what other people see as success….

and hold the salt..

Dont-Be-Salty

Lets take a look at some of the most popular subjects pertained to this matter….

1.) Losing weight

denzel

Preach Denzel!

Losing weight is a struggle for a lot of people. And when you finally make the decision to eat right and exercise, you want to drop 20 pounds in 5 minutes. A quick fix can seem really appealing…

.banana

See what I did there?

But anywhoo….as appealing as “Lose weight fast!” can seem….it is not good for you in the long run, nor will it direct you to a path of long term weight loss. Remember how it worked out for Regina George?

is butter a carb?

Your best bet is to work hard and make a plan that changes your lifestyle so you stay healthy for life, not for the weekend. Wanna lose five pounds in a week? RUN!

run forest

Be smart, eat right, and exercise….I know, I am not a doctor….but wouldn’t your doctor agree with me on this?

diet quick fix

2.)Finding that special someone

kayne haha

There is nothing wrong with wanting to find love. Searching for that soulmate to complete your life. But there is something wrong with being desperate….or what is it the kids are calling it these days….thirsty?

kermit yes

Let fate work it’s way to you! Don’t believe in fate? Want to take fate into your own hands? I get that, but haven’t you heard…patience is a virtue? The best things in life seem to happen when we least expect it right?

I know this can be difficult to hear when you are lonely …octopus

But forcing love to come your way doesn’t really sound like something that is going to work right? So don’t force a connection on the first date you’ve had in five years…..don’t fabricate a love connection with someone who clearly sees you as a friend …you will waste a lot of time trying to get out of that friend zone….

friendzone lol

and you may just find yourself years later…..

friend-zone-expert

worse off than you ever thought:/

Also…stop begging your friends to set you up on a blind date ….

blind date

Be patient for love, let it come to you. If you are lonely, it is better to wait until you enjoy being alone instead of needing someone.

You’ll be surprised at what you realize when you stop bitching about being the single friend with a cat and start embracing your independence…and well….your cool ass cat..

steeeeeeve

(Hi, I’m Jess ;)) And that’s Steve the cat!

3.)Everything else..

Want to ace a final exam without studying?

cheaters never win

Just study! No cliff notes! No cheating!

 Embrace your inner Belle and enter the GOD DAMN LIBRARY..

belle

Want to kick that nasty cold quick?

What is it that the internet told you? Put a teaspoon of cinnamon up your butt while holding your nose and hopping on one foot will cure this cold? STOP! Stop believing everything the internet says is healthy for you or will cure your illness and go to the GOD DAMN DOCTOR!

Don’t like the doctor? Well DON’T WebMD your symptoms….

web-md

If the doctor isn’t for you, put you’re big girl panties on and wait it out.

Moral of the story is….if it’s too good to be true it probably is….if it’s quick, easy, and cheap it’s probably your mom! JK it probably isn’t good for you.

So…..patience young patawon….whatever that means to you, just have some…

pillsbury

or if you want me to keep it really real…

blunt

Take the long road Sally…..and you shall succeed.

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3 thoughts on “The Ultimate Quick Fix!

    1. Though the experience we call life my friend:) I never know what I do or say is the right way, but isn’t that the beauty of things? What would we do with so much certainty? Be bored 🙂

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